Borrowing Is Subjective
by The Brown-ie
Summary: Ma and Pa Kent go missing. Clark and Conner search desperately to find them. Bruce, oddly enough, is no help.


**Borrowing is Subjective**

Clark tapped his pen against the rim of his glasses as Perry lectured the staff about their on-going governmental budgetary battles. It was then, somewhere between Lois voicing her anger of the reduction Native Healthcare Coverage and Olsen lamenting cuts to public school arts programs, that he heard a faint, desperate cry. At first, Clark had reluctantly willed himself to ignore it. There he was no way he could escape. And it was Kara and Karen's patrol day. He had faith the ladies in his life could handle anything.

But then the cry became an all-out was calling him by every name he had ever had - Earthly, Kryptonian and otherwise.

It was someone he knew and knew well. It was Conner.

The poor boy had been calling out to his father for the better part of ten minutes.

A cold sweat broke out across his furrowed brow, as Clark rifled through his coat pockets for his cell phone. When he final found it, he quickly sent a text to his wife, who has been simmering darkly next to him, as Kat Grant launched into her tirade on the need for cutbacks. Her phone buzzed and Lois snatched it up.

___Need to leave. Kon might be in trouble. Needs help._

With a firm nod, Lois surreptitiously tipped her tepid coffee into his lap with her pen causing Clark to shoot up from his seat with a yelp.

"God, you are so clumsy!" she scolded with a cheeky wink. "Clean yourself up, Smallville!"

"I'll just go... f-freshen up," he said sheepishly as he could muster. Clark dashed from the conference room and out the nearest before his clothes found their way to the ground below.

The towers of grey concrete and steel gave way to golden fields of corn and wheat. As his childhood home came into view, Kal saw Kon and his dog flying in nervous circles above the bright red barn.

"Kon! Are you are alright?" he called as he grew close.

"MA AND PA ARE MISSING!" the boy cried as Krypto launched himself into his former owner's arms.

"Tell me what happened," he urged, leading Kon to the ground by his shoulders. He noted they were trembling. When their feet touched ground, Kon swallowed hard and struggled to met his measured gaze.

"Well, it started yesterday," he began slowly:

___Kon weaved through the makeshift mountains of suitcases across the Kents' living room._

___"Are you sure you have enough stuff, Ma?" he teased as he hopped over a pair of legs sticking out from the hall closet._

___"I can't believe we won another cruise!" Martha exclaimed excitedly as she rooted about in search of her favorite sunhat. "Do you remember the last one we took?"_

___"Yes, yes," replied Pa as he bounded down the stairs, carrying even more luggage in his wizened hands. "Ninja terrorists on the Caribbean... Who could ever forget a trip like that?!"_

___A week ago, the Kents received two tickets for an all-expense-paid trip to Martinique; complete with a round-trip flight, snorkeling and All-You-Can-Eat Gourmet Buffet._

"The sun, the sea and the sand," sighed Martha. "And maybe we'll see Conner's little friend again!" She playfully pinched the boy's cheeks as he passed by with an armful of suitcases.

___"I don't think Bats will like that, Ma," Kon chuckled. "I'm still not allowed in Gotham without adult supervision."_

___They filed out onto the porch just as a shiny black limousine came up the dust roadway. The driver, a harried-looking man, scurried out to help Kon load the luggage into the trunk._

___"Now, we left you our itinerary, plenty of money, a fully stocked fridge and a list of numbers in case of emergency," Martha explained._

___"We'll only be gone for two weeks," Pa chimed in. "Don't forget your chores and your homework. We want to see as many A's as you can muster, young man! And for the love of God, keep that dog out of the cornfields!"_

___"I'll do my best," Kon said with a smile. "Call me when you get to Gotham Pier, ok?" He leaned down to give her a hug and was met with a flurry of kisses. Pa clasped him shoulders firmly, and with a slight nod climbed in after his wife._

___"And no girls!" Martha shouted as they sped away._

"I just realized this morning that they never called! Between the seven-mile long chore list and stopping Toyman from running amok during the Tokyo Toy Show, I totally forgot that they were supposed to call," Kon finished mournfully. Krypto whimpered in sympathy as he pushed his wet-nose into the younger Kryptonian's trembling hand.

"Did you call the company?"

"Of course, I called! And Gotham Cruises and Gotham Piers both said there was never any such contests nor have there been any cruise ships leaving from Gotham for six months! I called the police but they said they couldn't start looking for another day!"

"Kara, Karen, Krypto and I have been looking everywhere. I even called Tim to alert the Bat Clan but they were unable to help. Something about Bruce having them all wrapped up in some operation he's running now..."

"It's ok," Kal said soothingly, though his own heart beat furiously with worry. "I will find them."

"Yeah, I saw them," came Catwoman's slinky reply as she carved a hole into the museum's skylight with her claws. "But that sort of info is going to cost you." Superman floated soundlessly by her side, enveloped by the fog coming from the bay. It blanketed the entire city. The perfect cover for a brash robbery in broad daylight.

"Selina, you tell me what I need to know or I'll be more than happy to let GCPD know about your little 'shopping spree,'" he said brusquely.

"Fair enough" she replied, tapping her fingers impatiently against the handle of his bullwhip. "Some rich guy has them."

"W-what?"

"I was down by pier 38, checking out Falcon's lastest shipment of dubiously acquire antiques when I saw this Bentley pull up to elderly couple in Hawaiian shirts. They climbed in and took off."

"W-who?"

"It's Gotham!" Catwoman snapped exasperatedly. "Who in this city has the wealth and resources to lure your parents to this hell-hole under the guise of a cruise and to whisk them off without the GCPD fishing their quaint little corpses out of the water the next day? I thought you were an investigative reporter and freakin' Superman."

Kal's eyes went wide as he registered what Selina and Kon had said.

___Who in this world could hide anything from him and without him knowing?_

"He ___wouldn't_!" Kal seethed, eyes glowing crimson as the realization hit him.

"Well, he ___did_!" she hissed. "But don't let him know I told you!" And with that, Selina threw open the skylight and disappeared into the yawning, airless dark of the museum as Superman rocketed away.

Alfred didn't even blink as a great red and blue blur roared passed the manor, rattling every window. The old butler, who had been gathering some herbs from his garden, stood up and casually brushed the dirt from his smock as Kal descended upon from the heavens like a wrathful god.

"Where are my parents?" Superman growled.

"Inside, having tea," the old man said simply. He had no issue with betraying his master- especially since he disapproved of kidnapping. "Shall I show you where?" without waiting for an answer, Alfred took up his basket and setting off for the sunroom patio.

As they rounded Martha's rose bushes, Superman heard his parents' laughter trickling out through a pair of french doors. He stalked past the butler, up the stone stairs and wrenched them open.

"Oh, hello dear!" his mother greeted cheerful as he son stalked into the room, cape whipping around him. "Bruce was so kind to let us stay after our cruise was canceled. Isn't he a dear?" Pa waved and helped himself to several more biscuits.

"He's absolutely darling," Kal grounded out from behind clenched teeth, glaring daggers at his supposed friend, who sat there, looking innocent. "******Dearest** Bruce, might I have a word with you..."

Bruce excused himself and led Kal away to his office.

"Seat?" he offered as he sat behind his desk.

"I'd rather stand," the Kryptonian muttered darkly. "I thought something horrible happened to them! How could you?!"

"Easily," Bruce answered with a smirk. "Besides, you were warned*."

"I didn't think you would actually kidnap my parents!"

"'Kidnapped' is harsh. I simply led them here under false pretenses and took them in."

"Heaven help me," Kal sighed, cupping his face in his hands. "You are insane..."

"Oh, come on. They are having such a good time: Jonathan enjoys gardening, Martha enjoys cooking, Alfred enjoys his time off and I enjoy their wonderful company. I'll make sure they get back safe and sound."

"That's not the point! This is a huge violation of my trust! How would you feel if I just snatched up the people you care about?"

"You are more than welcome to," Bruce replied silkily. "By all means, take anyone or more of my troublesome brood. Damian and Tim have been bickering all day; Dick keeps calling me to complain about Barbara; and Stephanie will not shut up about Ryan Gosling. I would be delighted if you were to take them all with you."

It took every ounce of resolve Kal had not to roll his eyes. As he started to say something, he heard Lois calling for him. Apparently, Perry had been shouting about her "idiot" husband and where he had gotten off to.

"Three days!" the Kryptonian barked.

"Two weeks."

"One week, Bruce! One!"

"Fine," the billionaire surrendered, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "Shall I show you out?"

"Don't bother," Kal snapped. He stalked over to the nearest window, yanked it out and pointed a menacing finger at his friend. "Honestly, I should tell Diana on you..."

Bruce's brow twitched at his juvenile but all too real threat. Diana was still sore at him for the Green Lantern Birthday Debacle of '98 and would have gladly wrung his neck for any reason.

"You do and I'll mention to Lois much we all love her cookies," he replied evenly.

"By Rao, get some help, man," Superman hissed before he hopped out of the window and flew off into the blue sky.

With a satisfied smile, Bruce strode happily from his office to finish his afternoon tea with his guests.


End file.
